


Through his phone - Draco

by DrJackAndMissJo



Series: Through their phones [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack Fic, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Future Fic, Hogwarts, Humor, M/M, Professor Longbottom, Professor Potter, Technology, Textfic, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 23:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21169424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrJackAndMissJo/pseuds/DrJackAndMissJo
Summary: A day in Draco Malfoy's life, as told through the text he sent and received





	Through his phone - Draco

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melipedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melipedia/gifts).

> Hi!  
As always I do not own shit  
Enjoy one of.my little headcanons!

**16th October**

**Chat: Fine Ass™**

_ 01.00 _

You up?

Not really

_ 01.01 _

Got class ya know

Yeah in the morning

Which means I gotta sleep

_ 01.03 _

It's past your bedtime anyway

_ 01.04 _

I was picking up an outfit for tomorrow

_ 01.05 _

Not that you needed to know

Getting presentable for the younglings?

Should I be jealous?

_ 01.07 _

Considering I know how much you despise elbow patches I don't think so

_ 01.09 _

I

I do not hate them

where did you get that absurd idea?

_ 01.10 _

You always make a weird face whenever I wear a sweater so kinda followed through

_ 01.15 _

Oh

Yeah

Okay

Great

Fine

Goodnight

_ 01.17 _

You okay? 

_ 01.18 _

Goodnight.

**Chat: Greatest Slytherins Ever**

_ 01.20 _

I have a problem

Huge one

Catastrophic

_ 09.04 _

Pansy 

Did Potter do something?

_ 09.16 _

First of all

Wow

How nice of you all to respond

_ 09.18 _

The crisis is over now, I'm chill

_ 09.21 _

Pansy 

You're never chill

Answer the fucking question.

_ 09.22 _

Fine. Yes.

He did.

Pansy 

Should I kill him?

_ 09.23 _

Not at the moment

_ 09.25 _

Theo 

Boring

Blaise 

What did he do this time?

_ 09.27 _

Apparently the asshole isn't wearing sweaters around me cause he thinks I don't like them

Blaise 

And that is bad because…?

_ 09.28 _

Pansy 

OH MY SWEET SUFFERING SALAZAR

IT'S ONE OF YOUR KINKS ISN'T IT!!!!

_ 09.29 _

Theo 

I don't wanna be part of this conversation anymore

@Theo has removed itself from the group 

_ 09.30 _

I'll get him back as soon as this crisis is averted

_ 09.31 _

I have lived all those years without the glory of that sight!

Blaise 

You do see him naked tho.

That's not the point

_ 09.32 _

Pansy 

I don't wanna know what the point is

_ 09.33 _

Pansy 

Have you tried telling him?

As if

_ 09.35 _

Blaise 

@Pansy what kind of fucked up question did you just ask?

Of course he didn't tell him

_ 09.36 _

Blaise 

The Primadonna never asks for shit

Drives me bloody nuts still

_ 09.38 _

Nobody asked you

Blaise 

You texted on the group, genio

Means you want our help

_ 09.39 _

Blaise 

Actually no

You need us

Cause you suck at communication

You're so great about it aren't you?

_ 09.41 _

Blaise 

May I remind you that I got with Nev before you even realized that you were into Harry for everything other than hatred?

Oh shut up

_ 09.42 _

Schlongbottom was easier to woo than Potter

Blaise 

<strike> Oh yeah cause the girl writing this isn't writing a rather long story about our sixth year and about me and Neville going from Enemies to Friends to Lovers and isn't planning to expand it to during and after the War pls don't kill me I'm working on it school is just hell. </strike>

Oh yeah

Definitely 

_ 09.44 _

Blaise 

Cause he definitely knew I was gay and I definitely knew he was bi and we definitely weren't in different houses that hated each other and my friends hadn't definitely bullied him mercilessly for years and years

_ 09.45 _

Exactly!

Blaise 

Draco you little self-absorbed pezzo di merda di Gremlin

_ 09.46 _

Pansy 

Children please

Fuck off Parkinson

Pansy 

You fuck off bitch

_ 10.00 _

Pansy

I still think you should just tell him

_ 10.03 _

I CAN'T

He thinks I hate them cause I always make a face

Whatever it means

_ 10.20 _

Blaise 

It means that you get real horny real fast

And never acknowledged it

_ 10.27 _

Pansy 

Start slow maybe

Bring it up

Cause he likes them and he really does look great on Lupin style sweaters

_ 10.48 _

How the fuck would you know?

_ 11.12 _

Pansy 

I may or may have not gone with him and Long-ass shopping

_ 11.13 _

...

Pansy 

I know what the teens want!

And I also study bloody fashion

_ 11.15 _

But I'm his boyfriend!

_ 11.19 _

Blaise 

Yeah but you also dress with sequins at least once a week

_ 11.25 _

Did you know of this?

_ 11.28 _

Blaise 

Neville constantly wears nice sweaters

It's not news to me

_ 11.29 _

Blaise 

That fitted suit Pansy got him in on the other end

_ 11.34 _

Pansy 

Should I get him another one?

Blaise 

Most definitely

_ 11.37 _

We were talking about potter guys

_ 11.38 _

Pansy 

Yeah but Long-ass is also super hot

Blaise 

I know!

Pansy 

All that muscle

_ 11.40 _

Pansy 

Seriously if you two weren't together I'd try to take a bite out of that

_ 11.42 _

Blaise 

And I promise I'd kill you with my bare hands if you even looked at him too long :)

**Chat: Fine Ass™**

_ 12.00 _

Class today was glorious

_ 12.05 _

Glad you're enjoying yourself

Dude what's your deal?

**Chat: Greatest Slytherins Ever**

_ 12.06 _

GUYS FOCUS

WHAT SHOULD I DO

_ 12.09 _

Pansy 

Perhaps stop being an idiot

Blaise 

We're wizards but even our magic can't do miracles

_ 12.10 _

Go to hell

**Chat: Fine Ass™**

_ 12.10 _

Draco seriously what's up?

_ 12.12 _

Nothing

I just miss you

I miss you too

But I'm coming back in two days

_ 12.13 _

Yeah I know

_ 12.15 _

I'll call you later, okay?

Deal.

**Chat: Pansy**

_ 14.53 _

I may have found a solution to your problem

_ 14.54 _

The current Potter situation

I'm not a psychiatrist so I can't help you with that fucked up mindset you got 

_ 15.00 _

Very funny

Considering we were raised similarly

Want my help or what?

_ 15.03 _

What's your price?

_ 15.08 _

You wound me 

You don't trust one of your oldest friends?

_ 15.10 _

I'd rather trust a sniffler not to steal all of my gold

_ 15.14 _

Touchée

_ 15.15 _

Anyhow

My cousin goes to Hogwarts currently

Fifth year Slytherin

You remember him

_ 15.17 _

I really don't

But yeah and why is that important?

_ 15.18 _

Cause now they are allowed to have phones dumbass

And?

_ 15.19 _

Do I have to fucking spell it out for you???

_ 15.20 _

He can get you pics of Saint Potter

In those sweaters you like so much

But are too ashamed to admit

…

_ 15.22 _

Holy burning Salem

Wow

I'm speechless

_ 15.25 _

I MADE YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP

I AM A GOD

BOW BEFORE ME YOU PEASANT

**Chat: Greatest Slytherins Ever**

_ 15.26 _

@Theo has been added by @Pansy 

Pansy 

I rendered Draco speechless

_ 15.27 _

Theo 

Now that is a Dark Art

Guys go to hell

**Chat: Pansy**

_ 15.30 _

Anyway

I'm sending him your number

_ 15.31 _

Okay

Thanks

You still haven't told me your price

_ 15.32 _

Let's just say you owe me one

Worst possible scenario ever

_ 15.34 _

You want those pics or what?

Fine

I feel like I've just sold my soul to the Devil

_ 15.35 _

Correct

**Chat: Unknown**

_ 17.08 _

Words on the street you are looking for an insider at Hogwarts

_ 17.10 _

You're Pansy's cousin?

Call me Park

_ 17.11 _

What exactly do you need to be so secretive of?

Aren't you snogging professor Potter?

Not at the moment I am not

_ 17.12 _

He's all up there in bloody Scotland

I'm willing to pay 

A reasonable price though

_ 17.13 _

Still haven't told me what you want

This has to remain a secret

If Potter found out he's never let me live it down

_ 17.14 _

Are you kidding??

He's the chillest dude ever

_ 17.15 _

Along with professor Longbottom they're the best!

First class for each year he got us chocolate

_ 17.16 _

Sounds about right

He's always carrying chocolate

_ 17.19 _

Anyway let's go down to business

What do you need?

_ 17.20 _

Pictures and photos

Of him

During class or around Hogwarts

_ 17.21 _

Points if he's wearing one of his hideous sweaters

_ 17.23 _

You mean like the one with the elbow patches?

Precisely

_ 17.24 _

That's tricky

_ 17.25 _

I mean, sure we get WiFi and are allowed to use our phones

But he's like, super

He can hear and see everything

_ 17.27 _

Two days ago he caught someone doodling and told us that we are allowed to do it freely without hiding

_ 17.28 _

I know

He told me

_ 17.29 _

But are you in or what?

_ 17.30 _

What's the price?

Something reasonable

Chocolate frog?

Two

Deal

_ 17.31 _

Imma start a secret organization for this

You can get us shit from the Muggle world

Reasonable

Like a book or something?

_ 17.32 _

Fine

You're rich as fuck 

_ 17.35 _

How many are we talking about?

I don't know

At least two for week

_ 17.36 _

Weekend?

No, unless I ask you to

_ 17.38 _

I already know someone that might be able to give you one tomorrow

Two Chocolate frogs are fine by him

_ 17.39 _

Great

I need to know more

Fourth year Slytherin

Happy now?

_ 17.40 _

Very

Keep it low

Don't wanna him to suspect

_ 17.41 _

Again, he's chill as fuck

He fucking killed Voldemort

Yea I know I was young but there

_ 17.42 _

But that was in the past

I really can't imagine him in the War

_ 17.43 _

A friend saw him and professor Longbottom baby talk a young thestral

How can your friend see thestrals?

_ 17.45 _

Mind your own business

This is professional

_ 18.00 _

You'll have your pic tomorrow

I'll send an owl with the objects as soon as I have it

_ 18.01 _

It's been a pleasure doing business with you

Looking forward to our partnership

Likewise

**Chat: Pansy**

_ 18.05 _

This is serious business

_ 18.17 _

Yeah I thought him the trade well

_ 18.20 _

Could tell

**Chat: Granger**

_ 19.09 _

I want to go and watch the new B-list horror that they're showing at the cinema downtown next to the shopping centre

_ 19.20 _

No

_ 19.23 _

Why???

There is a C-list one at the theatre inside the Mall we usually go to

_ 19.25 _

I hate admitting it

But you are a genius

_ 19.30 _

I know

**Chat: Fine Ass™**

_ 21.00 _

I'm gonna go get Teddy

Want to video call later?

_ 21.02 _

yes

Tired

_ 21.10 _

Wanna talk about it?

_ 21.11 _

Yeah later, just get my godson home safely

You don't trust me??

_ 21.13 _

as a rule I try not to trust Death Eaters

Oh yeah I see how it is

Whatever

_ 21.30 _

Can we call you now?

Yup

**Chat: Greatest Slytherins Ever**

_ 22.56 _

Theo 

What are you gays doing tomorrow?

Blaise 

Schifo

_ 23.10 _

Why?

_ 23.12 _

Theo 

Wanna go to lunch?

Pansy 

Dinner

_ 23.15 _

Fine

Blaise 

Sure

_ 23.24 _

Theo 

Okay we'll settle down later then

Night assholes

_ 23.30 _

Bye jerks

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
Translation of some of Blaise's sentences:  
-'pezzo Di merda di Gremlin' means 'piece of Gremlin shit"  
-"schifo" is a common answer when asked what you're gonna do. Literally it means 'something that sucks" or generally "something bad" but in this case it can be translated into"nothing"  
Don't forget to leave a kudo and a comment if you like this!  
Thank you again,  
Till next time  
Jo


End file.
